Navigating Communication: The Art of Listening and Talking in Relationships - Report Example

Communication is a two-way channel where the message sent must reach a recipient at the other end, and feedback is given back. The verbal exchange involves two parties where one is a talker and the other one in a listener. These parties create a communication channel, in other words, known as a communication loop. Earlier I had examined how to be a persuasive talker by being honest, faithful, and transparent about the message we convey to listeners. I will discuss how to conduct a successful listening exercise as a therapist or a partner engaged in a conversation.

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Listeners many times are the shock absorbers of attacks and hash talks from talkers. They neutralize the tension in a conversation to reach a consensus in any talk. A listener who is not well informed in communication tactics will lose a conversation; the result will be unpleasant. As a Christian, I have attended many religious group talks, and sometimes these talks have not reached a happy ending. In my case, many times, I do feel offended when I never get time to respond to a question or give back my opinion in a conversation. Most listeners tend to forget their role in a conversation and end up having a talker-talker exchange. In this scenario, I am pretty sure that the conversation will never resolve as each keeps attacking the other, which is not a good listening practice.

Understanding the talker is a crucial aspect of the road map a conversation is taking. Giving time to listen to a problem or the concern of the talker enables a listener to gather information on the real issue with the talker, the state of the heart, and the atmosphere in which the talker is (in our case the atmosphere is the emotions and feeling projected to the listener). Petersen has proposed several ways to conduct effective listening practice. One of the practices is taking time to listen to the talker. I cannot deny that I am a poor listener because, many times, when involved in a talk with my partner, we end up in a fight, and we never reach an agreement. Usually, I do not particularly appreciate feeling like I am losing, or I do not have a valid opinion to contribute. I feel suffocated and never given room to express my views. I have come to learn that I exercise the talker role instead of being a listener, making it difficult to agree in a conversation.

Petersen (2015) further indicated that agreeing is talking but not listening. To listeners, the pressure to agree is often intense, and at times talkers will ask for agreement to counteract their insecurity. Agreeing with the talker sometimes can put the listener in a challenging state if the listeners' emotions are not managed well. Agreeing, as explained by Petersen, at times, makes the talker unmask solution reaching statement by defending the attack. From the Bible, the chief priests bribed some men to tempt Jesus to break the law to arrest him. The spies went to Jesus and asked him if it was right to pay tax to the emperor. Jesus told them to pay the emperor what belonged to him and pay God what belongs to God. The chief priests could not arrest Jesus for anything. They kept quiet, amazed at his answer (Luke 20:19-26).

Withdrawing from a conversation can be an excellent tactic to handle an offensive attack from the talker. Some talkers can intentionally become offensive to harm your emotions, or they want to mess you around with bully statements aimed at your feelings. It is never good practice to become defensive. The best thing to do is to turn down the conversation politely and propose a feature accommodation. In my case, I walked away without adequately closing the conversation. I end up being angry and worse than the talker. From Petersen's explanation, I have learned that turning down an offensive attack in a polite way relieves the emotional pressure and leaves one in good spirits.

Turning the conversation is another aspect of effective listening. Think of one round of communication as a loop where a talker hands a listener a feeling, and the listener reaches out, acknowledges it, and hands it back as explained by Petersen, (2015). Exchanging roles enables a mutual agreement of thoughts that gives room for correction without disapproving of the talker or attacking. Many conversations employ role change, where the talker becomes the listener and vice versa. According to the Bible, after Jesus was baptized, the holy spirit led him to the desert where he fasted for forty days. Jesus was hungry, then the devil came to him and said, "if you are God's son command the stones to turn into bread." Jesus answered, "The scripture says, 'humans cannot live on bread only, but need every word that God speaks.'" (Mathew 4:1-11). We see that Jesus is the listener and reverts the role and rebukes the devil. We also learn that whichever the temptations in front of us will overcome them by being humble, we should not be overrun by our egos or wish to prove a point.

Poor listening habits result in broken relationships like David and Nancy divorced after six years of marriage (Schultze & Badzinski, 2015). The couple could avoid divorce if they learned how to listen and talk to each other but not just keep quiet each other. Although silence sometimes is an excellent tool to manage attacks, it cannot solve the problem. The problem does not go away. Silence only pauses it and keeps the issue piled up. Accumulation of unsolved matters between partners becomes poisoners even when a small disagreement arises. They revive the old pains, which makes it even harder to resolve a problem. Our fellowship suffers this communication errands because we have neglected the holy spirit, which guides us. The Bible emphasizes good communication and being mindful of what comes from our mouths. Upholding proper listening and talker communication cues will enable us to grow spiritually and create healthy relationships.

References

Petersen, J. (2015). Why don't we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2312686.Why_Don_t_We_Listen_Better_

Schultze, Q. J. & Badzinski, D. M. (2015). An essential guide to interpersonal communication. http://bakerpublishinggroup.com/books/an-essential-guide-to-interpersonal-communication/376770